Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

I left the doctors office that day disheartened and with disbelief of an unseen future. The diagnosis---Ovarian Cancer. The doctor respectfully and compassionately, yet with clinical professionalism, showed me the CAT scan of the grapefruit sized tumor on my right ovary. We spoke of specialized medicine for this type of cancer and of the best suited hospital options for my care. She placed a box of tissues before me…not once but twice… as we discussed where do we go from here. Perhaps my doctor expected tears...but there were none. I wasn't trying to be stoic. Looking back now, was I in shock? I understood everything she was sharing, comprehending the seriousness of the diagnosis, but no tears came. My breathing was shallow and my mouth was parched as I tried to take it all in---my mind was keenly focused. Divorced and living life unattached, I was receiving this crushing news alone. Falling apart had never been an option.

I returned home and made some difficult phone calls to my family; (some members were away on vacation, they would be told at a later date). In the moment before me they were supportive. I would later learn that privately their hearts were broken, protecting me from their private tears. In addition upon returning home, unexpectedly, a former sister-in-law called just to say “Hi”. I shared with her the news I had received earlier in the day…she offering me “What-ever you need I’m here for you.” I hadn’t spoken with her in over a year. God was directing her steps, she would become one of my primary caretakers. To this very day she and I still recall in wonder and awe of the provision of God for me through her generous spirit.

With a church family and a work family, I needed to inform them as well. The same evening of my diagnosis a mens Bible study was being held at my church. I drove to the church waiting in the parking lot for the pastor. I knew he would be there soon as the men gathered for their study. I shared with him a page of the paper printout of my CAT scan the doctor provided me. My pastor prayed over me; I bowed my head in reverence and surrendered to God. The prayer in the moment was stirring and was felt deep within, but was soon forgotten in the blur of emotions. Yes indeed, anxiety and anticipation of an unseen future. I must keep my eyes upon Jesus.

---

"We Must Keep Our Eyes On Jesus"

Consider the wisdom of the apostle Paul in his letter to the Hebrews 12:2 in which he encourages us to “keep our eyes on Jesus”.

2 We must keep our eyes on Jesus. He believed from first to last. What was put in front of him made him glad, so he did not give up when the people nailed him on a cross. He did not care about the shame. And now he is sitting beside God.

Hebrews 12:1---Paul tells us to lay aside every weight....to run with perseverance the race that is set before us. Are not our weights our worry? Is not this season in time, our race, our cancer journey? Is our sin and shame preventing us from calling upon Jesus?

"We must keep our eyes on Jesus".

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore let’s also, seeing we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let’s run with perseverance the race that is set before us,

---

"Lord Save Me!"

I am reminded of the gospel of Matthew when Peter sees Jesus walking upon the water. Like Peter, we are also afraid of "our storm of cancer”. Then Jesus calls to us in the midst of our storm to “Come!”…and we do...at least for a little while. We feel so safe and secure. We are now walking upon the water with Jesus.

Suddenly something jars us in our spirit. Another test…another biopsy…another blood draw. We await anxiously for the results and we are no longer keeping our eyes on Jesus. The storm of waiting with winds of anxiety and fear…at times our minds playing out a negative scenario until the actual results come back.

Keep your eyes upon Jesus…don’t borrow from the “negative what ifs”. When you feel yourself going under with worry and anxiety, like Peter it is ok to cry out to God… “Lord, save me!” Jesus will stretch out His hand and take hold of you… the wind of your storm will cease. Jesus tells us “Cheer up! It is I! Don’t be afraid.”

"We must keep our eyes on Jesus".

***

Matthew 14:25-33

World English Bible

(Public Domain)

25 In the fourth watch of the night, Jesus came to them, walking on the sea.26 When the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, “It’s a ghost!” and they cried out for fear. 27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Cheer up! It is I! Don’t be afraid.”

28 Peter answered him and said, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the waters.”

29 He said, “Come!”

Peter stepped down from the boat and walked on the waters to come to Jesus. 30 But when he saw that the wind was strong, he was afraid, and beginning to sink, he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”

31 Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand, took hold of him, and said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” 32 When they got up into the boat, the wind ceased. 33 Those who were in the boat came and worshiped him, saying, “You are truly the Son of God!”

---

Lord God, our Heavenly Father

May we reach for Your outstretched hand on our cancer journey

We are reassured that You will hold us

when we become frightened

We ask that You reach your hand out

to our caregivers as well

They are just as frightened as they shelter us from their fears

We cry out to You

"Lord, Save Me!"

The winds and the seas obey You

We pray by Your authority that You calm our fears

and

May we always

Turn our eyes upon Jesus

Amen

***